FAQs
I have heard people use the terms sex, sexuality and sexual orientation, but I don’t know what they mean
Sex refers to the biological, anatomical, physiological and chromosomal difference between females and males present at birth such as the presence of a vagina or penis, menstruation or sperm production, difference in genetic make-up etc. Sex is also used to describe physical sexual acts that include, but are not limited to, vaginal, anal, oral intercourse, masturbation and kissing among other acts.
Sexuality is the erotic aspect of the human experience throughout life, experienced in fantasies, desires, beliefs and behaviors. Aside from its reproductive aspects, sexuality encompasses gender identity, gender norms and roles and sexual orientations and identities. Also, sexuality is influenced by the interaction of social, biological, economic and political dimensions, particularly as constructed under patriarchal and heteronormative systems of power that run society.
Sexual orientation, on the other hand, describes and categorizes sexual attraction towards the other, mainly as whether attraction is towards people of the same sex/gender, a different sex/gender, or to more than one gender. Sexual orientation can be seen as categories (heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual) or as a fluid description of sexual desire and attraction.
What does homosexual, heterosexual, bisexual mean?
These are categories of sexual orientation that can either describe a behavior or an identity. As an identity, some people who are attracted to the opposite sex self-identify as heterosexual, some attracted to the same sex self-identify as homosexual and some attracted to both sexes self-identify as bisexual. Some women who are attracted to other women might label themselves lesbians and some men attracted to other men may label themselves as gay. These categories also refer to behaviors and not identities; you can read more about this in the next question.
What is asexuality?
Asexuality is a broad term that people of diverse sexual needs and desires, or lack of, can identify with. It is strongly associated with not prioritizing sexual needs and desires in one’s life and relationships. While many find asexuality and lack of sexual desire in general or towards other people to be an intrinsic part of themselves, others may think of themselves as asexual for reasons beyond innate lack of desire. It is different from celibacy in the sense that it is not driven by an avoidance of sex due to particular beliefs and values, but rather by one’s relationship with desire and needs. Asexual people may not have sexual relationships with others, but still fulfill their sexual needs through masturbation and forms of self-pleasure. However, asexual people can still form meaningful relationships with others that may or may not include sex. They may desire to be on their own, or have more intimate romantic relationships with asexual or sexual people. Just like any other identity, it does not necessarily define one’s sexual behavior and practices, but rather how they view themselves and relate to others for as long as it makes sense to them.
A couple of nights ago I fooled around with my same-sex best friend. Does that mean I’m a lesbian, gay or bisexual?
Not necessarily. Sexual orientation — homosexual, heterosexual, or bisexual — is not based solely on the sex of the people we may have sexual contact with. It is based on the sex to which we are predominantly attracted. Someone who is gay or lesbian, for example, has a primary erotic, psychological, emotional, and social interest in people of the same sex. Likewise straight people have a primary erotic, psychological, emotional, and social interest in people of the opposite sex.
Often people have sex with partners outside of their sexual orientation. For example, there are people with predominately same-sex fantasies and erotic attractions who have opposite-sex partners. There are people who just enjoy playing with partners outside their sexual orientations every once in a while, and they do not care to be labeled and may very well be comfortable with their sexuality as such without any labels. The terms lesbian gay bisexual (LGB) are labels that some people wish to identify with and many others don’t. Just because someone is attracted-to and/or has sex with a member of the same sex does not mean they should self-identify as lesbian, gay or bisexual.
It is possible that our understanding of our sexual orientation will change as we grow up through childhood, adolescence, and adulthood. And we may have partners of the opposite or the same sex or both. But because there is such a cultural stigma against non-hetero orientations, it may take a while for some to feel comfortable playing out their desires and feelings.
What causes homosexuality?
That question is as difficult to answer as ‘what causes heterosexuality?’ No one knows for sure. Some foolishly suggest that maybe a person turned lesbian because she had a bad experience with a man, or a man became gay because a woman mistreated him. If this were truly the case, then there should be many more lesbian and gay people, shouldn’t there?
Can lesbians or gays be cured?
Attempts to clinically or therapeutically ‘treat’ homosexuality, although may cause temporary changes, is a violent practice. Although we believe sexuality is fluid, and attraction changes, this has to happen organically and forceful attempts to change sexual desire and behavior are emotionally harmful.