Sex and Sexual Pleasure

  • My boyfriend gets upset that sometimes my vagina is looser than other times. He thinks I’m cheating, but I’m not. What’s going on?

    Here are five possibilities:

    1. Some men tend to be anxious about their sexual performance. Some have an exaggerated sense of jealousy. It’s always best to discuss such problems with a partner. But some men may put the blame on their partners because they are unable to recognize their own insecurities.

    2. Women’s vaginas are less elastic when they are not sexually aroused. They become more elastic — “looser” — the more sexually excited they become. A woman may feel “tighter” to a man when she is less aroused, less comfortable, and having less pleasure than her partner.

    3. Hormonal shifts during a woman’s menstrual cycle affect vaginal secretions and may affect vaginal elasticity. She may feel “looser” on certain days of her cycle than on others.

    4. Certain drugs, such as antihistamines or marijuana, may make the walls of the vagina feel dry so they seem “tighter.”

    5. A woman’s vagina may feel tighter or looser in different positions for intercourse.

  • I really enjoy watching pornography but when im having sex I feel really insecure about my skills in bed? Is that normal?

    It’s important to know that pornography most often does not depict reality. It may lead to unrealistic expectations about sex and sexuality. What you should know about pornography is that:

    First: the models or actors in pornographic images are often chosen for abnormally large sex organs and breasts. Their bodies are cosmetically, and often surgically or hormonally, enhanced. Pornographic photos are often altered in the printing or photographic process. Hair and blemishes are removed. Musculature and facial features are highlighted. And teeth are straightened and whitened. You can have healthy sex lives without looking like this.

    Second: in staging sexually explicit scenes for the camera, models and actors often take fairly uncomfortable positions to allow their sex organs to be seen while having sex. This makes the sex acts themselves quite unrealistic.

    Third: The videos that you watch take many hours of casting that get edited to become the videos that they are. Men are made to look like they can last with an erection for hours and that they should not cater to pleasuring women.

    Fourth:  a lot of pornography is tailored for individuals who have quite a narrow range of audiences. Most mainstream porn is created to please men and the porn that is made “for her” is usually erotic and very soft porn assuming that is womens sole pleasure from watching porn.
    Its important to realize that many healthy, caring adults use pornography. Many people use it to enhance their sex lives knowing that it is much more about fantasy than it is about reality.

  • What are the benefits of masturbation?

    Masturbation is one of the best safer sex techniques: a way of pleasuring yourself that carries with it no risks of HIV, Sexually Transmitted Infections, or pregnancy. Sex therapists believe that if you are able to have a healthy sexual relationship with your own body, chances are that you will enjoy sex with another person more. Also it feels nice :)

  • Is masturbation harmful?

    Masturbation is an enjoyable and perfectly harmless activity. Both men as well as women masturbate. It does not matter how often you do it as long as it does not interfere with the other things you have to do or does not involve anyone else without their consent. Masturbation will not affect your sex life negatively. It is a legitimate sexual activity in its own right and does not cause weakness, stunted growth, pimples, or any psychological problem.

  • Is it true that men want more sex than women?

    All people, regardless of their gender can have sexual desires and have the right to express themselves sexually. In some societies, it is believed that men’s desire should be considered before women’s and that only men should experience sexual pleasure. However, this is not true.

  • I’ve heard that it is not good to have sex during pregnancy. Is this true?

    It is important for any sexual activity to be consensual and also that care be taken. Unless there are clear instructions from the doctor to abstain as in the case of a difficult pregnancy, there is no reason a couple cannot be sexually active throughout the woman’s pregnancy. Activities like mutual masturbation and oral sex can be engaged until the end of term.

  • What is cunnilingus, fellatio, and outercourse?

    Cunnilingus: A partner uses their mouth/tongue to stimulate a woman’s genital area. Cunnilingus is often casually referred to as ‘going down on’ or ‘giving head’.

    Fellatio: The partner uses their mouth/tongue to stimulate a man’s penis. It is also called ‘giving head’, ‘going down on’, ‘blow job’ and ‘sucking off’.

    Outercourse: Sex without penetration into a vagina or an anus. It allows a couple to be sexual, more intimate, and even orgasmic with one another without having sexual intercourse. With outercourse, no semen, vaginal fluids, or blood is shared between partners. As a result, outercourse protects against pregnancy and some sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Some outercourse pleasuring possibilities include hot talk, sexy stares, erotic fantasy, spicy role-plays, sensual massage, showering or bathing together, strip-tease, mutual masturbation, phone or e-mail sex, and dry sex (a.k.a., dry humping, or frottage).

  • I’ve never been able to have an orgasm when I have sex. Is something wrong with me? I try really hard, but it never happens.

    Many women have “inhibited orgasm” — they have reached orgasm in the past, but no longer can, and some may have never had an orgasm at all. The truth is that about 70% of women are able to reach orgasm during clitoral masturbation and only 30% from vaginal intercourse, yet most are made to feel that something is wrong with them if they don’t have vaginal orgasms. In cultures like ours, that place a high value on vaginal intercourse, many women do not receive sufficient clitoral stimulation to bring them to orgasm more quickly, if at all. In most kinds of partnered sex play — manual, body-rubbing, oral, anal, or vaginal — a man’s penis is directly stimulated. This is often not true for a woman’s clitoris.

    Some women who cannot reach orgasm do not feel that orgasm is important for their sexual experience. Some women feel cheated. Some women “fake” orgasm in order to end sex play or to please their partners, who may not realize that they aren’t reaching orgasm. Masturbating can help you relax with your body and listen to its sexual wants. Once one is more comfortable with themselves then the frustration of not climaxing with a partner would not be as upsetting. Afterwards you may give yourself time to experience that with your partner with the reassurance that you can achieve orgasms but just awaiting till you reach that with your partner. Remember to open the lines of communication with your partner, here are some tips on communicating with a partner.

  • I’ve heard that the pill and other hormonal methods of birth control will lower my sex drive? Is that true?

    The side effects of the pill have been studied for more than 40 years. Many of these studies have examined the effect of the pill on sexual desire and arousal. A recent review of 30 original studies concluded that using the pill, the patch, the ring, and the shot has no effect on sexual desire or arousal for most women. For other women, sexual desire and arousal are affected: Some experience more sexual desire and arousal. Some experience less.

    The causes of these changes may be psychological — for example, a woman may enjoy her sexuality more when she doesn’t need to worry about getting pregnant. Some may be hormonal — for example, the estrogen in the pill may affect the testosterone in a woman’s body in ways that influence her sex drive. If a woman experiences an unwelcome change in her sex drive and thinks it is caused by her method, she may want to change to another method.

  • Lately sex has been really painful. Does this mean that something is wrong?

    Painful intercourse has many causes.

    In women, the causes are more varied and complex: There may be vaginal dryness, which could be caused in two ways. It could be that a woman is not aroused enough to lubricate because there has not been enough foreplay before penetration. Or, she may not have enough of the hormone estrogen in her system to create lubrication. This type of vaginal dryness is often associated with perimenopause or menopause. Other physical causes include endometriosis, infection, yeast overgrowth, or allergic reaction to latex or spermicide.

    Emotional causes of painful intercourse for women include gender identity conflict, a history of rape or incest, or intense childhood suppression of sex, all of which can lead to vaginal spasms that prevent penetration. Other emotional causes include hostility, anger, or resentment toward her partner or previous partners.

    It is best to consult a health care professional to determine the cause and get the best treatment.

  • How can I make my orgasms better or stronger?

    Many women and men find that the longer they postpone orgasm, the stronger it is. Many women also find that clitoral stimulation during vaginal intercourse makes orgasm more likely and more powerful. Both women and men can do exercises to strengthen the pelvic floor muscles that play a very important role in orgasm. Kegel exercises are done by tightening and relaxing the muscles used to stop urination. Strengthening these muscles can also alleviate urinary incontinence, improve sexual sensation, and aid muscle tone recovery from childbirth. Because they are internal muscle exercises, they can be done privately anywhere, anytime. Kegels should be done five times in a row, several times a day:

    1.     Tighten pelvic muscles a little, and hold for five seconds.

    2.     Tighten a little more, and hold for five seconds more.

    3.     Tighten as much as possible, and hold for another five seconds.

    4.     Relax the muscles in reverse steps, holding five seconds at each step.

  • I used to get wet just at the thought of stimulation but now it’s difficult to get wet. What can I do?

    Changes in sexual arousal and lubrication patterns may also be associated with other events in a woman’s life. Having a new sex partner, or being with the same partner for many years, may affect the patterns of all the stages of a woman’s sexual response cycle: desire, arousal, excitement, and orgasm. Various health conditions — including depression and diabetes, for example — may also affect her sex drive. Age itself also has an effect. In fact, during perimenopause and menopause, many, if not most, women experience vaginal dryness.

    Women who would like increased lubrication should not be shy about using over-the-counter lubricants to enhance sexual pleasure. There are hundreds of products on the market to choose from. There are only two important cautions: Oil-based lubricants can damage latex condoms. Silicone-based lubricants can damage barrier contraceptives made of silicone, such as FemCap, and a wide variety of sex toys that are also made of silicone. So, if you use sex toys or latex condoms, you won’t go wrong if you purchase a water-based lubricant.

  • If virgins use vibrators, do they lose their virginity?

    People think of virginity in different ways. Most people and cultures think of virgins as women or men who have not had sexual intercourse with another person. For most people “sexual intercourse” means vaginal intercourse. For others, it means anal intercourse or oral sex play, as well. Very few people consider masturbation, or self-pleasuring, as a way to lose virginity — even if someone else is present. Masturbation is natural and normal. Many women and men masturbate throughout their lives — before they have partners and while they have partners. There are nearly no health hazards associated with.

    Some believe that a woman is no longer a virgin if she does not have a hymen — the thin, skin-like tissue that stretches over part of the vaginal opening. This is a mistaken teaching, however, because many women are born with so little hymenal tissue that it may seem they have none. Many other women stretch their hymens open during activities that have nothing to do with sex. These activities include working out, gymnastics, horseback riding, and other sports. Penetrative masturbation — with or without sex toys, such as vibrators or dildos, may also stretch the hymen open.